What is Your Relationship with CHANGE?
Life
Have you noticed lately that people are identifying as “Change Makers” or Change Agents? We used to put our job title under our names, but that seems to be shifting… Are we a generation of more open mindedness?
Let’s go to the definition:
A change agent, or agent of change, is someone who promotes and enables change to happen within any group or organization. In business, a change agent is an individual who promotes and supports a new way of doing something within the company.
To be honest, I think we have to be in the very fast paced world we are living in. Now more than ever I think we humans need to be open to the idea of change. Change is a sure thing. There will always be change. How we deal with change is the optional part. (Taking a thought from Neil Pasricha’s book “You are AWESOME”) I think that 2023 is asking us to live our lives like an open ended sentence rather than using the finality of a period. To be happy and thrive in this current world, we need to become the dot dot dot…at the end of the sentence. Open ended…more to come…not closing ourselves off to any great thought or opportunity that might come your way.
So, how do you feel about change? Close your eyes for a moment and think of a time that you experienced a big life change.
Maybe a change in school
or a move to a different town.
Maybe you moved to a new apartment
or got a different job.
Maybe you ended a relationship
or started a new one.
Maybe you walked away from a safe and secure career to follow your dream.
Take a moment and revisit your experience. How did you feel going into that change?
What emotions arose for you. Was it excitement? Or was it fear? Or maybe a little bit of both?
Looking at these situations with the benefit of hindsight, you can likely see that that change was for the best no matter how uncomfortable it may have felt at the time. You closed one door and sure enough, another and likely better one opened up for you.
So why do so many of us humans resist change?
It’s that fear of the unknown isn’t it…that makes change so scary. What’s that saying…It’s the devil that you know.
How many people do you know that stay in a job that they don’t really love or in a relationship that no longer brings them joy because they aren’t quite sure what the other side would look like. I think we have all done it at some point in our lives. And then we look back after we muster up the courage to make the change and say, “I don’t know why I waited so long to leave the job or move from the house or exit the toxic relationship. I’m so happy now.”
Whenever I’m doing a deep dive on a topic, I love to head over to the dictionary to get the OG meaning. So here we go:
Change definition:
As a verb ~ to make different in some particular way, to become different, to undergo transformation, transition, or substitution
As a noun ~ the act or instance of making or becoming different.
And then of course there is wisdom regarding change from almost every visionary…
Albert Einstein said….”The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.”
Heraclitus said, “There is nothing permanent except change.”
And a little more recently…
Barack Obama said…“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”
Change is inevitable. Change means that you are growing and evolving. There are very few things in this world that ever just stay the same. Look at nature and the seasons that bring about change. Think of most life cycles…birth, life, death and rebirth.
Change is necessary. It is part of this earthly experience.
If the thought of change brings up huge feelings of resistance for you, then you are fighting against the universal flow of energy. And that can make life difficult and really unsatisfying.
Look at this quote from Socrates “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
Change is kind of like black licorice, either you love it or you really don’t!
Let’s look at those two teams and how they live their lives. So the first team, I have called Change Junkies…
In some aspects of my life, I would say I have been a bit of, well maybe not a junkie, but definitely a change apassionato.
If I have a car for more than 2 years that is really a big deal. I get tired of the same and want something new. Not new… new. I’m not one to keep up with the Jones and have the newest model out on the market..but something new and different to me. I get bored easily. It could also be a case of the grass is always greener …I’m not sure.
It’s no secret that I haven’t (until now) been wildly successful with my love relationships. And I have never been afraid to make a change in my social status if the relationship is no longer filling my cup or bringing me joy. I just think that life is too short to not be really fucking happy.
Now, I have actually lived in the same house for going on 23 years and that doesn’t really fit my change profile but I think I have wanted that one piece of consistency for my boys. As a kid I only ever lived in one house. My parents actually just sold it about 8 or so years ago and I really appreciated that aspect of consistency and grounding in my life. So I think I have tried to do the same for my boys. Afterall, it’s me that loves change and they might not have the same relationship to it.
So back to team one…the Change Junkie. I would define these people as:
someone who embraces and leans into change
They tend to live a faith based life rather than fear based
To clarify not faith as in religion, rather, trusting that the universe will provide the best possible outcome for them
These are the people that don’t worry so much about what people thing and are okay with pivoting or redirecting if life isn’t working out the way they want it to
These people listen to their gut instincts and go with what their subconscious or higher self is encouraging them to do
To sum it up, they are going for it! The job, the car, the house, the relationship. No amount of fear is going to stop them from getting what they want out of life.
Then we have team two… the Change Resistors
These people love the comfort of the familiar. They love routine and consistency in their lives. For them these aspects feel like that wonderfully worn-in recliner chair.
I remember talking to a friend a long time ago. I asked her if she was happy in her marriage and she said, well he’s kind of like my favourite old pair of slippers. It’s not exciting, but it’s comfortable and I know what I am getting.
So for me, this is a living nightmare but for her it was and continues to be good enough. She wasn’t willing to risk the comfort of “I know what I’m getting” for the passion, excitement and crazy love that I need out of life.
I guess it would be boring if we were all the same. And I’m not saying that I’m right and she is wrong. She embraces change in other aspects of her life, but here after one failed marriage already, she is not willing to change.
When we look at the change resistors, we need to look at their relationship with FEAR. Fear is a big one.
In yoga, we often speak about the balance between faith and fear in one’s life. At any given time you want to be living more in faith than fear. I shoot for a 70/30 or better yet 90/10 ratio. It’s always a bit of a sliding scale depending on what might be going on in your life.
Those that are resistant to change are very much living in fear rather than faith. The “what if” thoughts overwhelm them and paralyze them to the point where they are willing to remain in not so great situations for fear that the alternative might be even worse.
While change junkies get that sense of excitement when they are leaning into a potential change, the thought of change alone will be too much for the change resistor.
For some, the fear of change can stem from childhood experiences, familial views, current conditions, and even just the way people are programmed.
According to the Harvard Business Review, there are many reasons why people resist change. Here are a few:
Loss of Control ~ if a change is being forced upon you, your sense of self-determination will be the first thing to go
Excess Uncertainty ~ again this goes back to that saying Better the devil that you know than the one you don’t.
Surprise! ~ If people aren’t given time to get used to an idea, they will naturally say NO rather than yes.
Everything is different ~ too many differences can be distracting, confusing and overwhelming.
Past Resentments ~ sometimes people avoid change rather than scratching an old wound that wasn’t fully dealt with.
After looking at both sides, I think ideally you want to find somewhere in the middle to live your life. Don’t jump at change all of the time without consideration but don’t be paralyzed by the thought of it either.
Don’t take unnecessary risks but don’t stay so stagnant in your life that you aren’t allowing for growth.
Listen to these words and tell me how they make you feel…
advance
breakthrough
giant strides
inspiration
leaps and bounds.
Those are all words that are inspired by change. If you are living in fear, it will be really difficult to experience any of these.
Be brave. If you are being faced with a change. Close your eyes and imagine sitting on a park bench on a beautiful sunny day. Imagine that this change comes and sits beside you. Don’t run away, just be there for a moment. BREATHE. Now slowly begin to lean into the change. Try it on. Notice how it would feel, implementing it into your life. You might visualize the worst case scenarios but also the best case. Notice how the best possible outcome of this change makes you feel. Know that you can only grow and evolve by embracing change. Even if it is something small at first. Practice on something small and grow your confidence and your bravery…one change at a time.
So who’s right? Who’s wrong and how do we live together?
If change scares you and you prefer to live a “safe and controlled” life…then don’t shame others that like to change it up. Don’t make them feel like they are less or wrong because their life doesn’t look like yours. You might also ask yourself why you feel that way you do.
And…if you are a change maker, don’t look down your nose at those that aren’t quite as risky as you and prefer the comfort of routine. If you are a true junkie, you might ask yourself..is every change I jump into healthy and a step to growth and improvement or am I just running from something?
What if we supported each other? Talked to each other about our experiences and feelings. What if we acknowledged that we are all different and that’s okay.
Best advice? Look for the sweet spot between uncomfortable amounts of change and no change at all.
Because as John C Maxwell put it… “Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.”